Sunday, September 30, 2007

Oh my goodness hello!

Rediscovering these blogs has made me feel, if only in part, that I'm still in contact with my friends. Which sounds a little depressing or melodramatic but isn't really. I've been in a sort of limbo for the past month, not really talking to anyone except Hannah, moving in and out of my classes arbitrarily, and either working too much or too little. It kind of feels like all my feelings have been neutralised. So I can feel a little bit sad, or a little bit happy, or a little bit angry, but anything really passionate is kind of on hold right now. I think it might just be the regular beginning-of-fall blues, which descends rapidly into the dead-of-winter horror. Hooray! ACAD is alright, but I really wish that a) I wasn't so shy and b) I had more than one studio class. It's hard being in an Art school and spending most of your nights reading textbooks and writing essays. The things I'm learning are really interesting, though, and I've already begun to feel the characteristic University Turnaround. I'm actually learning things that affect the way I look at the world! How foreign! Ooh, also, the ACAD library has this little nook made out of boxes of National Geographics dating back to 1923. Some genius set up a group of chairs in the shape of a bed back there, so I like to see it as the communal student bedroom/archive of aristocratic American ads. It's pretty beautiful.

I'm missing you all more than I can say. I am super looking forward to our joyful reunion, so I can get back to not being lonely.

LUV YAZZ

Saturday, July 21, 2007

I have realised something.

I have realised that I hate facebook. It actually feels like part of me dies when I log on; like I've lost something that I will never, ever get back. I get a sinking feeling in my heart when I check a friend's page and realise that they've been having a billion times more fun than I ever will. I get lost in the pictures of smiling faces that I recognise, in places I will never visit. It just reinforces the divide between me and the people I miss so much. And that's why I hate being addicted to it.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Pre-tensions

Summer always seems to happen all of a sudden, and every year it takes me a little while to realise that it's actually happening. In the 6-8 months of winter we get here, summer to me is like distant memory of something rare that happened years ago. I can't conceive of green grass and sunburns, mosquitoes and sunshine at 9pm. In the first few weeks of real summer weather, after the annual May snow that we're all still surprised to see, I feel a strange euphoria. Like this perfect weather can't really be happening. I tell myself I will not take it for granted. I'll get outside every day and enjoy the fleeting green. I will go to the mountains and attend music festivals. But after those few initial weeks, I start adapting. I stay inside because it's cooler. I complain about the heat and the sunburns and the mosquitoes. And by September, I'm already mourning the loss of long sunny days and picnics in the backyard. Summer turns into that distant, misty-eyed fantasy again, and I prepare for the next long winter.

I wish I lived closer to downtown. I'd love to be able to just go somewhere with someone without having to set up a date and time, without setting it up days in advance and without figuring out bus routes and schedules. I've decided that my dream living accomodations are the apartments above the Oolong tea house and Hot Wax. They're super close to ACAD, relatively inexpensive, and seem like just the broken-down, ramshackle bohemian apartments I've been looking for. I could walk across the street and buy cupcakes! I could walk down to the theatre and see indie films whenever I wanted! I could wander down to The House and get drunk while listening to live music! I would never have to buy a car! I could live the dream of being a new urbanite in a suburban city. My dream is tangible; I just hope it's still there when I'm ready to move out.

Monday, May 28, 2007

This is my manifesto that will save the world.

1. Find the maximum amount of nuclear waste that can be consumed by people.

2. Inject that amount into everything we eat.

This way, people could rely on nuclear power without worry! Also our food would glow in the dark, which is pretty cool.

I wonder where neon-coloured pigment comes from...

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Plastic.

Isn't it phenomenal that we've created a material that will still be around even after our bones have turned to oil?

I am seriously hoping that the Feist concert isn't sold out, but I'm afraid it probably is. I've wanted to see this show since March! Maybe next year...

Also, I hate slivers.

Friday, May 4, 2007

I just can't say no to these...

What’s your name?
Rita Jean Mang-Wooley

what do people call you?
Rita, Nomad, Redcard, bonesaw.

Were you named after anything?
I have this idea that I was, but I won’t try to remember the story.

if you were born the oppisite sex what would your name be?
Probably something lame like Richard or Axel. I quite like the name Tomithy but I don’t think it would suit me.

do people spell/say your name wrong?
Sometimes. Some people spell it Reta because it’s modern or something.

if you could change your name what would you change it to?
Oh goodness...I think Marion maybe? Talula?

gender?
Female. Hold on...yes, female.

birthday?
July 20

age?
18

age you act?
Somewhere between 4 and 28. Depends on the day, I guess.

age you want to be?
24.

height?
5’3”

eye colour?
“Hazel.” I don’t check very often.

happy with it?
I don’t lose sleep over it.

natural hair color?
Brownish brown. I don’t pay much attention to my hair either.

happy with it? if not do you dye it?
Dyeing takes too much effort and usually ends in disappointment. So yes, I am happy with it.

righty or lefty?
Righty

family?
I’ve...got one, yes.

pets?
I have 1 cat and .5 dog.

peircings?
Zero.

tatoos?
Zero.

single?
Zer...I mean, yes.

who are you with, or who do you want to be with?
Ha, “who do you want to be with?” What a question!

are you in love?
I am in love with the whole world.

have you ever been in love, if so how many times?
I fall in love every day and have my heart broken every night....uuunnnghhh.

do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes. Yes. It is the only kind of love that matters.

is it possible to be faithful to one person for ever?
Yes, I think so. I hope so...

do you want to get married?
Not right now, but we’ll see what comes up.

do you want to have kids?
Sometimes, until I’m reminded of tantrums and teenagers.

how many?
All of them. I mean, wait...

do you believe in divorce?
Well, I’ve seen it happen, so I guess I have to.

do you believe in true love?
Trite trite trite.

do you consider love a mistake?
If it makes you unhappy, then maybe?

turn-ons?
A nicely-waxed moustache and a well-crafted smoking pipe.

turn-offs?
Arrogance, cockiness, rage, jackassery...all the unfortunate byproducts of testosterone, I guess.

do you think the oppisite sex finds you attractive?
Ha ha. Only old European men and men who can’t see very well.

what is best about the opposite sex?
They are less complicated than women, in general.

what is worst about the opposite sex?
Testoste-rage.

are you a virgin?
Oh, wouldn’t you like to know. (the answer is yes)

do you believe you should be in love to have sex?
It would be nice, but it doesn’t always happen that way...

how far have you gone?
Well..I once kissed a guy..on the lips.

how many people have you had sex with?
I’m going to forego this exercise in redundancy to ask myself an ALTERNATIVE question: Rita, what song has been stuck in your head since you got up yesterday morning? Answer: friggin’ California by Rufus Wainwright.

do other people consider you a slut?
Oh I bet.

right at this moment...

where are you?
On a chair in the basement with one of my feet propped up on another chair and the other resting on a drawer handle.

what can you see out your window?
Not much. A couple of streetlights, maybe.

are you listening to music?
California, California...

are you lonely or tired?
I am neither actually. What a rare feeling.

use 5 words to decribe how you are feeling:
Happy, jumpy, headache, caffeine, cynical

are you talking to anyone online? if so who?
Nope, but I’m seriously considering it.

are you talking to anyone of the phone? if so who?
Ha. Me, on the phone?

what are you wearing?
Too-small jeans and my work shirt. Oh, and socks with cats on them (they have heart-shaped tails!?)

what are you doing?
Doing my part to save the world.

whats on your mousepad?
Many different coloured dots and a few years’ worth of grime.

friends:

how many true friends do you have?
A lot more than I thought I had a few years ago.

are you a loner?
In theory, no. In practise...well...

who is your best friend?
Me. I am my best friend.

oldest?
Age-wise, Kathleen. Known-for-the-longest-wise: Joelle.

newest?
I’m going to be a jerk and say Mike, my work-buddy.

shyest?
Kathleen, I think.

loudest?
Kesinee!

smartest?
What a mean question.

ditziest?
Alison.

funniest?
Everyone!

who is the best listener?
I’ll say Hannah. She’s had to do it the most.

do you prefer to hang out with one friend or a group of friends?
A group, usually. Though one-on-one can be very nice too.

who do you wish you were closer to?
Kathleen/Eve/Summerstock kids too numerous to mention.

who knows the most about you?
Hannah!

who knows the least about you?
Oh goodness...probably eve?

who do you trust the most?
Again, probably Hannah.

the least?
The people I don’t trust aren’t really my...friends...

who do you fight with the most?
I’ve probably had more fights with Joelle or Hermit than anyone else. But that’s all water under the bridge by now.

who do you talk to online the most?
Well, it’s been a while since I’ve talked online at all, but I think it’s a three-way tie between Kes, Ali and Liam.

who do you talk to on the phone the most?
Ha. My mom?

do you trust others easily?
Sometimes a little too easily it seems. But it hasn’t caused any trouble yet.

name one who's arms you feel safe in:
To be honest...Kylian’s.

who’s house were you at last?
Probably Ali’s. It’s been a while.

who's your second family?
Oh goodness...Haneys, Mathers and Inni.

who lives the farthest away?
Kathleen! 

do you....

smoke?
Not that I know of...

drink alcohol?
All the time.

do drugs?
After seeing all those crime movies, I don’t think I could.

pray?
I don’t think so.

go to church?
Not unless I have to...

sleep with stuffed animals?
Who doesn’t?

take walks in the rain?
Yes. And regret them afterwards.

dance in the rain?
Unfortunately, no.

do any sports? if so which ones?
Not unless running alone counts as a sport.

sleep around?
Wow, that came out of nowhere.

lie a lot?
I don’t think so.

steal?
Just food from my family and workplace.

gamble?
I wouldn’t know where to begin.

have you ever....

kissed a stranger?
I kissed Michael Giesbrecht’s hand when I first met him, but I don’t know if that counts.

slept with a stranger?
Well...they weren’t TOTAL strangers.

spun until you were so dizzy you couldn't walk?
Innumerable times.

screamed so much you lost your voice?
Just about.

laughed so much it was painful?
Innumerable times.

cried so much it was painful?
Maybe a couple of times.

gone skinny dipping?
Not yet.

played strip poker?
Nope.

had a medical emergency?
Not a real one.

ran away from home?
I tried once when I was 6 or 7. I thought it was something every kid did at least once in their life. All those cartoons gave me the wrong impression.

done something extremely unexpected?
Innumerable times.

slept outside?
Yay!

been onstage?
Yup.

deep stuff....

whats your biggest fear?
The whole world is falling apart and there’s nothing I can do to change it!

what was your weirdest dream?
I can’t really say. I have so many of them it’s hard to say which one was weirder than which.

scariest dream?
I’ve had some pretty terrifying apocalyptic dreams about huge surrealist natural disasters or strange and deadly phenomena.

do you have a reoccuring dream?
I don’t think I’ve ever had one specific recurring dream, but my dreams tend to have themes that change from week to week.

what was your best dream?
Again, I can’t say. There was one about a man with “gould” coloured hair and a ghost in a drawer that screamed “oxymoron” before swallowing people, but I don’t know if I would say it was the best.

what IS your dream?
To be happy without starving.

do you live in the moment?
Too much. I don’t think about the future until it comes up, and by then it’s usually too late.

what you greatest strength?
I pride myself in being able to listen and remember.

whats your greatest weakness?
Whenever I get close to success, I shy away and return to mediocrity.

do you have a motto you live by?
Eat it now, it might be gone tomorrow.

if your life were a movie what would it be called?
The Saga of Adventure. Or maybe, The Clumsy Sidekick who Avoided Adventure.

do you have any bad habits?
I still pull out my hair.

do you have any secrets?
If I did, I’ve probably forgotten them by now.

are you fake?
I don’t try to be. Do you think I’m fake?

what do you want to do in life?
I honestly don’t know. Get to know as many people as I can, I guess.

are you a daredevil?
Exactly the opposite.

are you predictable?
I think I am. Most of the time.

do you keep a journal/diary?
Yuss.

if you could change one thing about you would you? what would it be?
I would love to be braver. Or if not braver, at least a little less shy.

if you were someone else, would you be friends with yourself?
I might be, but I don’t think I’d be very good friends with myself.

do you think you're a good person?
I think maybe? Mostly? More so in theory than in practise, though.

do you think you're emotionally strong?
I’m afraid I don’t quite understand the question...

do you regret anything?
My life is a rich tapestry of regret.

do you think life has been good so far?
All in all, I’m pretty damn lucky.

what do you like most about you body?
It moves when I tell it to and all parts function accordingly.

least?
The usual (insulation around my stomach, my sides, etc. etc.).

are you trust worthy?
I think so.

are you gullible?
Not as much as I used to be, but it still takes me quite a while to catch on.

Finished! Are you exhausted? Try doing it for yourself!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

I am eating pine nuts and they taste like tiny trees

I finished them as I was typing that sentence.

Right now, I actually have nothing to do. And somehow, that makes me feel guilty. It's like the second week of summer holidays, once the relief and novelty wear off and you're stuck in a zombie routine of reading, watching TV and going online. Reading, watching TV, and going online. Reading, watching TV, and going online. But unlike summer holidays, I have this nagging feeling in the back of my head saying I really should be doing something. Writing an essay or studying for a test. It's been 10 months since I've been at "real" school, and I still can't adjust to having nothing to procrastinate on. My art class ended a couple of Saturdays ago, and this coming Monday will be my last guitar lesson. I'm thinking of picking up a few commitments to replace the old ones, but I can't really think of anything. If you have any suggestions, feel free to throw them out there; I really have no idea.

My brother decided to be terribly nice to people today, and said it resulted in the best day of his life. I want to follow this shining example and tell people all the compliments I've held back, no matter how unconventional they may be. "You look like Kevin Bacon, only much less funny-looking." "You act the way Truman Capote writes." "You have a very look-at-able face." That kind of thing. The prospect of all this kindness makes me excited. I just hope I'm not too shy to carry it out.

I am seriously missing the dudes of Summerstock, despite not knowing them very well. Kevin, Kylian, Alex, Luke, Dean, Liam, Mike...those dudes seriously know entertainment. I need to kick myself into visiting someday.Maybe Friday. Maybe next week. I don't know.

I don't mean to sound so depressive. It just kind of happens when I sit down and type at a computer. Here, have some delight: http://bentobjects.blogspot.com/index.html

I love the whole world.

>>REDCARD