I missed school today

When I heard that a man was stabbed to death and decapitated on a Greyhound bus yesterday, a few things went through my mind. First: "why didn't anybody stop the attacker?" That one was immediately shot down. Because I knew that, despite Imaginary Me's bravery, I would be under my seat with my hands over my ears and my head between my legs with everyone else if I had been on that bus. My next few thoughts had a familiar flavour--the rage and disillusionment I feel whenever I listen to the news. Of course. It was inevitable that someone would take advantage of Greyhound's nonexistent security checks. What does it say about our society when somebody kills and beheads a stranger, apparently just because he can? Our psychologists and psychiatrists are being wasted on people who don't need them. There are sociopathic, schizophrenic, psychotic people who go through life without treatment, ignored by the system; meanwhile, people like me have been in and out of psychiatrists' offices since childhood. Yes, I have been sick. Yes, I've done crazy and frightening things. I have never tried to kill a stranger on a Greyhound bus.

A list of worries

- I'm afraid that, no matter how modest my dreams are, I'll never be able to live them.
- I'm afraid that I'll go through life ignoring and being ignored by people I might fall in love with.
- I'm afraid I will never be creative again.
- I'm afraid I will never leave home.
- I'm afraid that someday I'll stop feeling restless and just give up.
- I'm afraid that I'll always need somebody to push me into things.
- I'm afraid I'm wasting my youth.
- I'm afraid that I'll die without having been outside North America.
- I'm afraid that I will never start my commission.
- I'm afraid of not wanting to go back to school.
- I'm afraid of winter, and what it will do to me if I'm feeling so crappy in July.