Wow. I seriously fail at the world.
The day reading week ended, I pulled an all-nighter to try and finish everything I should have been working on the week before. As in an ALL-nighter. As in no sleep. After 7 days of going to bed at 11 and sleeping till noon. So I started off my post-reading week schooling worn out, exhausted, sick, and depressed because even working 11 hours straight on my design project wasn't enough time to get it done. And it sucked because I had to do an in-class painting project that involved slathering house paint onto two huge pieces of paper masking-taped to the wall. House paint comes in huge cans. I have no locker. So I had to figure out a way of getting 8 cans of house paint to school, and, being so tired I couldn't speak in complete sentences, that seemed like the hardest thing in the world. I ended up finding an Ikea bag that I could live in and my god 8 cans of paint are heavy when you carry them all at the same time. It was a crappy day my friends. I soon proved my hypothesis that house paint DOES NOT WORK on paper and discovered that my skin has a sensitivity to latex acrylic. And I couldn't go home until 9:30 at night.
During reading week, all I wanted to do was get back to school. Now that I'm back, I just want it to stop. There's no easing back into the rhythm of schoolwork. It hits you like a freight train, you get a break, and then it hits you like a freight train again. I don't know why I expected any different. I guess I just figured that studio classes were a lot more slack than Liberal Studies classes. But if anything, they're harder. So much creativity is demanded of you every day. I can't force myself to be creative, and you can't fake original ideas. I see assignments as ways to show yourself off; put yourself on the paper and display it for others. There's not much room for learning there. I'm still kept down by the masterpiece complex. I'm afraid of creating anything bad, so I never step outside my comfort zone.
I want to go someplace warm and exciting.
emoemoemo
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3 comments:
I cannot believe you can even pick up eight cans of paint!
emoemoemo.
I just LOVE the sledgehammer of back to school. Hoarg. It's like quitting cold turkey and then taking a giant hit. (Why a drug metaphor? I don't know.)
That house paint project sounds horrible. And you'd think that a housepaint + paper equation would be tested before you have to lug so much heavy.
I too am super afraid of creating badness. I recently realised, however, that if I let fear of failure or comparison to other super talented people rule me, I don't do anything worth anything.
I'm sorry if that sounded preachy.
here, it sounds like you need a hug. *HUGGG*
in case you are doubting it, I can assure you I did indeed lean forward and hug my computer screen, but was imagining your face. So whenever you feel like crap cakes, just hug your computer screen, and think of me. Or call me. Or email me, or anything! I miss hearing from you. OHHHH question, I mailed you a letter a while ago, did you actually receive it?
Love LOVE love LOVE
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