I have been making comics now and then, but our house doesn't have a scanner. Prepare for an influx in September.
I try not to think about leaving Edmonton, but it's been on my mind since I arrived. I don't want to experience returning to the nest. I don't want to feel stifled again, I don't want to wait again. I feel like I've been allowed to enter my Twenties here, with all the worry and indecision that goes along with it. I've allowed scary questions to enter my mind, like, do I really want to be an artist? And, is there anything in the world I feel passionate about? Why am I returning to Calgary? I've tied myself down to a city I know I don't want to live in, an unsatisfactory program at a windowless school, a life that is dedicated to a career I couldn't care less about. I haven't drawn or painted since June, and I don't feel any different. Art is not something I need; it's not therapy, it's not release. It's just a thing I'm good at. Do I really want a solo show at a prestigious gallery? Do I really want to spray-paint thought-provoking stencils around the city? Do I really want to be co-opted by the insular and incestuous country club that is the "art world"? What do I really know about the "art world"? Why am I going back to school? Why am I working towards a degree?
Am I really as stuck as I think I am?
6 comments:
Oh man, that is pretty much a direct copy of what goes through my head a lot lately (except better sounding) I am happy to know its not just me. But seriously, I kind of feel like I am just swimming along, not really moving anywhere, not drowning, just floundering aimlessly. Bleh
I really dont understand those people who have it all together and know what they want straight out of high school, go for it and never have second thoughts.
I am happy that you like Edmonton though, thats swell that you had a good summer!
Hermy
I don't have any answers, I'm afraid. Just the same questions. I feel like I'm ready for life to start, but it's just not there. This I do know, though - if you are unhappy, not just ambivalent, don't stick with it. Careers may be good, but if you're not gonna be happy in this life, when?
I think you should keep doing art in some capacity, because I also feel it's important to do the things you are good at while looking for new things and new directions, if only to get some satisfaction and validation.
You're tha bomb, btw.
I wish I could just give you a huge hug, and then pack you up in my suitcase, and bring you here so you can be 20 with me, and be confused as hell with life with me, and so I can tell you in person how much I love you. Which is more than words can say.
Noooomad!! How goes life? I hope all is well and you aren't too insanely busy. Mostly because being too busy is rotton, but also because I wants you to have time to scan comics and post 'cause I have a comic void in my life right now....
Hermy
Ritaaaaaaaa, i miss youuuuuuuuuuu!!!!
You should post some comics, and tell me how your life is going!!!!
Dear Rita,
Please post more comics.
Love,
Bryna
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