It's 5:01 right now and I'm not tired. At all. It's insane how quickly I've gone from Grandmother to speed freak in my sleep habits. I won't sleep for 2 days, then I'll sleep for 8 hours, then I'll stay up for another 2 days. My mindset has now shifted from "how late can I stay up before I start having trouble doing things?" to "how late can I stay up before I can NO LONGER FUNCTION?" Being an insomniac puts you in such a strange frome of mind. You start challenging yourself to little self-destructive contests, and you don't even question them because the common-sense part of your brain gave up hours ago. There's a certain threshold that you try to reach, when you give up on trying to sleep and become seduced by the notion that you can stay up forever. Right now, I feel like I'm running a marathon race..just a bit longer, just a bit longer, it's almost 6:00, you can make it! Because somehow I got it in my head that if I go to sleep now, I'll be way more tired when I wake up than if I don't go to sleep at all. How's that for logical thinking?
I'm going to go watch some infomercials. Hope your night was more restful than mine.
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2 comments:
Oh Nomad, you must try and sleep. People can actually get superly damaged from not sleeping, and I love you too much to feel good about you doing that. Yeah, I know what its like to have little contests you know are wrong, but you do anyways. They suck, and they are addictive. Go them. I love you to pieces, try and sleep my love! Please?
I totally know what you mean about not sleeping. No matter when I start to go to bed, I end up actually going there at 5 or 6. And I pulled my very first allnighter last week, and it was scarily easy.
The other day in psych, however, we learned that a destroyed circadian cycle is a major risk factor for Alzheimers. So that makes me want to sleep again.
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