Saturday, December 22, 2007

Francis Ford Coppola

While working on a picture of me at four holding my baby brother in the tub, I honestly forgot how old I was. I'd just finished watching some old Christmas specials from around 1994, too, which only added to the confusion. I seriously thought I was looking at a recent photo, and I was shocked to see myself in the mirror and realise, good lord, I'm almost 20! Where have all these years gone? What happened to the '90s? It's almost 2008! And then I had my annual Mild Panic Attack about the coming new year and how my whole life will be over before I know it if I don't start paying attention. Oh, the years I've wasted, staying home and letting opportunity pass me by. I'm now at the age I used to dream about, an age of change and moving out, of boyfriends and cars and college and early fame. This is the time I've been waiting for. I can do things! And change things! And people will listen to me! But when I think of that, I get intimidated. I don't want to be a revolutionary. I want to go back to that time of limits. I want to be a kid again, if only because it would give me an excuse. This is what happens when I reminisce.

2 comments:

Wulf said...

Reminscing sucks, because I always get so melancholic. I'm wasting my youth! This is the land and age of opportunity, and I'm stuck in the swamp of indecision, in the realm of insecurities!

Ratty said...

From the person who worked in a Nursing Home: You're only NINETEEN! You're still a baby! You still have at least a decade, and more if you choose, to do those things! It helps a lot to be hanging out with people in their mid-twenties and hearing about their lives- it reminds me of how fast change can happen in these 'young adult' years. And to hear that for a lot of people, the very most significant, life-changing events that have happened, have happened within the last 4 years or so- regardless of whether these folks are 18 or 25. In other words: 4 years from now you could be living in London, England with your significant other, driving a little car and enjoying your early success . All is not lost!